RE: Is Trash-Talking a Curse? Or Just Entertainment?

 Rick Wolff writes:

"As you probably can guess, personally I’m not big on trash talking. I may be old school, but I still prefer winning with dignity. That seems to be a trait that Ryan and the Jets don’t seem to care much about. Even worse, the victory by the Jets and their verbal demonstration will, unfortunately, have real impact on amateur teams. After all, why should HS kids or younger athletes care about keeping their mouths shut when the Jets have yapped their way to the AFC championship game?"

Dan here:

I am struck by two points that Rick makes.

To begin with, let us consider the idea of "dignity". I believe that dignity is an intrinsic, not extrinsic, value. An individual is more likely to behave with dignity when he possesses awareness as to what motivates his actions. Someone motivated by extrinsic forces---things such as winning a game, or turning a profit, or commanding the attention of peers, etc.---may not recognize a potential lack of dignity in his pursuit of these extrinsic goals. On the other hand, an individual guided by intrinsic values---values such as self-worth, or honesty, or courage, or compassion---might view trash-talking as behavior that is inconsistent with his world view. I am not saying that one set of choices is right and the other wrong; just that, without self-awareness, athletes may choose to pursue behaviors that help them reach extrinsic goals, all the while unaware that, in doing so, they are acting in ways that contradict their as yet unrealized behavioral compasses.

My second point refers to Rick's statement: "...Even worse, the victory by the Jets and their verbal demonstration will, unfortunately, have real impact on amateur teams. After all, why should HS kids or younger athletes care about keeping their mouths shut when the Jets have yapped their way to the AFC championship game?..."

Youth sports coaches are responsible for the on-field behavior of their players. A coach who does not allow his players to engage in trash-talking banter, and who (gently and with understanding) removes a player from the game when that player cannot abide by certain expectations, can help minimize the presence of  things like trash-talking during competition. But just as importantly, this coach can help bring his players to a place of awareness by engaging his team in open discussions about this issue.

Young people, by their very nature, lack self-awareness. They often behave as they see others behave. They emulate the words and actions of their heroes. Young people have not, for the most part, been asked to examine why they choose to act in the manner they do. They have not been challenged toward integrating their actions with a set of beliefs based upon rigorous self-examination and awareness.

When a coach facilitates for his players a process that asks them to examine their perceptions---that asks the players to reflect upon why they respond to competition in the ways that they do, rather than simply placing dogmatic and rigid prohibitions on particular behaviors---this coach, in my opinion, moves his players closer to a place in which their actions and thoughts are integrated.

This to me is a crucial step in helping the children whom we coach understand what it truly means to compete with dignity.